What really annoys me is that

Some of my friends bang on about the benefits of this.

Oh look at the sky, oh and all this time with my kids, aren’t they sweet as they scalp each other there in the background and am I not the greatest pedagogue alive? Also, look at this vegan lasagna I made out of ethically sourced cardboard when I finally got out of bed at 11. And did you know that my husband is now basically a prisoner, isn’t it fab that he can’t spend his paycheck at the pub and swear at a screen with Everton players all over it? Isn’t this all marvelous?

Nooo, I usually scream at the other end of one virtual channel or another, this is shit.

I am then duly told that I need to get in touch with myself, discover meaning or some other form of nonsense.

If I get any more in touch with myself I’ll leave bruises. If I discover any more meaning to my life, I’ll probably turn into Bhagwan and start a cult from my living room. I have explored every uninteresting inch of myself, thanks. I am more full of meaning that the Oxford Dictionary.

Now can I please go to the pub and scream at Everton?


All the things we forgot

Now I know there is archeological evidence that full stadiums existed once. As did contact sports. There even used to be something called rugby it appears. Many are disputing this, in spite of a wealth of evidence. They simply can’t remember. Some doubt that all of these things could have really existed as they all seem so improbable.

Some of our curious ancestors even had one night stands. Imagine snogging a stranger! Or even worse, being in a crammed club at 4 am with other sweaty bodies pushing against yours.

There are records that some people even engaged in physical fights. People standing at a bar and pushing banknotes towards a busy bartender have also been immortalized in frescoes. Herodotus mentions anti government protests where hundreds linked arms.

You are shaking your head in disbelief, I know. I’m sure there is a well kept history museum somewhere that recreates all that in life-like detail. Somewhere in Canada maybe?

Show me the way to the next date bar

In a rare explosion of human contact which lasted about 3 minutes, I received this as an Easter present from a fellow inmate 🙂

Which created an opportunity for some philosophical inquiries. I do have a bit of time on my hands you know.

Did the Easter Bunny hear me saying please please, I need a bar? It’s been tooooo loooong!! Here you go daughter, you’ve been so good. And while I’m at it, have a date too.

Does anyone even remember what these words could mean in our previous life? Around 100 BC*? Will all the bars I see in the near future be small and yellow and easily fit in my pocket?

More importantly, are you getting any bars behind your respective bars?

*Before Corona